lucky me

since my practical teaching, i used to sharing my "extreme" feelings with hasu n ana...when i'm extremely angry or extremely sad, i'd juz talk to either of them, n i get my senses back

today, i was so pissed..i always hated it when people come over my line, when i'm not even interested in theirs. as usual, went to see hasu. what she told me was simple;

• juz forgive the person. think of the good times and good things shared together (though i cant agree much with this, since my tears these few years back mostly caused by this person. but still, it eased me a bit)
• juz take it as a blessing from above. we may find things more difficult prepared for us in the future, so itz better for us to face it today.
• juz let them talk whatever rubbish they want. they'll understand later (and most probably stop. but who cares??)
• tears usually come with happiness (two folds) (i have to agree on this one, cried once, laughing out loud now)
• seems like we mean something to them. that's y the concern is there. (thanks!!!)

but, when i think again, yeah, i am lucky. i am blessed with extra cool parents who supports me in whatever i do. we may dont have a lot of money, but, we are happy. they give me the freedom to choose and to decide. i never have to hide anything from them. my dad scolds me a lot cause i'm always the troublemaker, but he's the one who sheds tears for me when i'm sick. i cant and i dont have to lie to them, coz they know me inside out. Ma, Ayah, thank you for everything.

i am lucky to have my sis' n bro..though they are not the "ideal", "super angelic" siblings, but i know they will always be by my side, never to leave me crying alone...cant believe i'm saying this..

in terms of friendship, i consider myself as "unlucky"...but the truth is, i'm so damn lucky (though i have to cry my heart out in the first place)...having best buddies (dunia akhirat insya Allah) that i call as my "scandals" (i prefer this than cheesy BFF- this term has been tainted), i am so damn lucky. i dont really give a damn what people want to label me for my "bitchy" term, itz up to them. i dont have the need nor urgency to prove myself to any of these beings (if i want to have any scandalous affair with my own gender, i do have a taste in picking any LOL.but i'm damn straight, i like guyz with muscles) ^wink^

i am who i am..people who know me inside out, would know...thank you hasu, ana n teo 4 ur beautiful friendship. i'm not d type that trusts easily, but when i befriend people, i stick till d very end..dats y, as long as i can hold on, i'd grit my teeth n keep on rolling. i appear to be cold-hearted, not giving a damn on others' feelings, but, normally, itz d other way around

i look cold, but actually, deep inside, i do feel all those emotions. i cry, i laugh and i also know how to appreciate. i do have a heart to forgive n forget, as long as people treat with heart. i cry when i'm hurt, when i'm betrayed...though i'm angry, i still pray for those who used to be dear to me...but, when i'm treated like a dirt, like a thing to be used in need, i "iced" myself, coz that is the only way i can keep on moving without falling down. but who knows this?? no one, but those few people, who supported me through the bad times.

i share my feelings with someone special. i dont have to leave the world, i dont have to lie to people to feel that i'm with him. detached in space, attached in d heart. not yet mine, n not yet his, but we're learning to trust one another. itz not perfect, but it helps me to self-healing.

damn, i am lucky. words said did hurt me, but no longer pulling me down. i am stronger. thanks 2 UTM, i've learned to grow up, to choose and to trust. i learned to forgive those who aplogize, i accept those who really wants to be by my side. i also learned to stand for my self. No more tears, no more loneliness and no more being emo chic.

Lucky me. i love my current life. i am enjoying every single second of it. concerns, opinions (if) coming from those who are really concerned, i'd try my best to stick with 'em. otherwise, save it, coz i dont need any of it. if u do care, at least, lets juz go on with our own ways (thanks for everything)