i write from my heart, based on what and how i feel..not to impress others, but to satisfy myself

Friday, January 29, 2010

around and around

in life, there are so many things as rise and fall, or should i say, fall and then trying really hard to rise, and sometimes u find it really hard that u decided not to rise coz it'z juz too hard..When falling can be really easy when u're alone, rising is much harder to be done alone (unless u have extra steel-strengthed will~wink). when we fall, we normally look for a shoulder to cry on..Normally, what a good shoulder would do, is juz listen and giv a few words that could make the poor soul smile..but then, there are also some shoulders who are more like taking advantage, like "pulling" the victim as new "accomplice".

ask me, dragging a "new, wounded accomplice" is stupid. Why would i ever want to drag someone to be with me, when i'm WAY BETTER the way i am now?? personally, i am never interested in making friends that way...coz i believe, that a friend, would stick with me till the end, no matter what..not just for the purpose of their own benefit, for example benefits in terms of money, assignment, "amenities" and what i see around, on assignments...yeah..sounds stupid..but that do happen. i'm never a good advice-giver, but somehow, for reason that i dunno, people are easy to open up with me..mybe becoz of my "icy cold" nature, things that i say is like, different...things are meant to be said, and some are meant to be mend..what do i say when people come to me, saying that they're broken??i let them say what they we feel inside, and if the problem comes from the person themselves, i juz ask them what do u think u shud do,..normally people know what they should do..they juz dont want to admit it..but then, to the "vic", remember to say "THANK YOU" and be THANKFUL and dont treat people like a "service counter"

but what if the fall happens include a "third party"?? what i would them is simple, think of urself ahead of others, love urself before loving others...as quoted from a fren, "WHY MAKE SOMEONE YOUR PRIORITY WHEN U ARE JUZ AN OPTION FOR THEM??" i would tell them to try mending whatever is broken, if u think itz too hard, give it some time, let it breathe, and normally things would be better after that.

the key is, never let ur emotion overrule your judgement...when emotions come first, things will be bloody ugly.

then, part 2, there is always a possibility that the "third party" thinks u r the culprit of "breaking" whatever it is with the "vic". well, stupid people say stupid thing. Juz bear in mind that NO ONE IS INTERESTED IN WHATEVER IT IS BETWEEN U N UR GUY, UR GIRL, UR NEIGHBOR, UR BFF or UR BIF..get a life...if u dont know, either ASK or SHUT UP..instead of drawing stupid conclusions, go do something worthwhile, LIKE MENDING WHAT IS WRONG BETWEEN U N WHO-SO-EVER coz NO ONE IS GONNA MEND or INTERESTED IN WHATSOEVER happening to both, three or 150 of u...when people are sad, all they need a just a pat in d back, to make them smile..if u dont have the heart or even a bit of sympathy to the person, at least let them breathe 4 a while...i juz cant get it...y cant these people juz see this simple things?? blaming others is juz a way of escaping from the truth..itz a typical escapism...

instead of bitching, saying bad things about people, y dun just sit and think...try to do something to let what ever left is working again...i'm off this kind of stupid things..coz sometimes, people feel like they are so damn cool, so damn good and they this influence over people

think before saying,
::forgiving vs. being forgiven:: people may not forgive u if what u say or did is wrong
::judging vs. being judged:: how do people really feel bout u
::how important are you?:: u may get surprised to know that people may see u as a stranger, insignificant at all
::bad words and cursing people with things::inflicts how shallow our minds are...

this is a harsh reminder to myself..huhu, remember this part
we make mistake, we fall,
we mend, we try to rise
if we fail to do so, we fail short as a human

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

don't touch what u can't eat

literally, dont eat things that you cant eat, especially when u are allergic to specific types of food ..but food is my least concern now...swollen lips, take some pills, apply some oral salt, giv it a few hours, things will be fine

"don't touch what u can't eat, and don't tell what you don't know"...we observe, and we conclude..normally, what we see is what we perceive..but, how is it the thing that we observe is not the thing that happened, and we make our conclusion, not knowing that what we concluded is not exactly the very thing that happened? eyes may deceive, heart may flutter, but brain seldom slips...

i used to jump a lot at stupid conclusions which was made by people with no relevant reasoning..but now, i think i've grown calmer...itz hard to forgive, but now, i'm cool...i'm trying my best, not to shout n express my anger....when i see something really stupid, like really stupid statement, emotion-driven statement, i take it as they DONT KNOW...

what we say, affect people..and what we do, effect people...instead of blaming others for problems in our plate, y dun think and sort...o juz use d ol' useful method of asking and clarifying...i am never perfect..till now, pieces of anger still resting within me..but i'm trying..coz i wanna die better...let mework on where i would go, let my LORD decide on how and what i've done in this world..what i've learnt, anger dont do much good...still, i'm crawling to mend this broken soul of mine..

i've stopped thinking matters of things and people who are insignificant to me...i want to perceive instead of to see, i want to listen instead of to hear, i want to mend instead of to break...i know its impossible for me to do so right now, but at least i wanna die trying.. the hardest is to apologize and to forgive...but i'm trying...

may tomorrow be a better day, for me and for you..Insya Allah

Thursday, January 21, 2010

for the one who refused to open his eyes

things happen for many reasons...and thats why sometime i justify what i did (or gonna do) as whats best for that particular moment.

i've taken a very hurting decision years back, which was painful for me and the other person. At that moment, i felt that, that was the best thing for both of us...it was only me and the other person, no one else involved. it was not on whose mistake it was, i just couldnt do it anymore, i couldnt take more of it...i choose to quit, coz at d moment, the feeling shared was more hurting than soothing. Yes, it was my mistake for walking away(i made the call), but both of us knew that things wouldnt work...the other person knew, but didnt do anything but piling up reasons and lies which broke me even more which made me reluctant to take the same path again

but that's history...and no one is running to open d good ol' book again...but somehow, my past seems to taunt me..suddenly, whatever it was, was caused by someone??c'mon...there's only two person involved in making decision, when did the third ghoul appeared??

the point is, itz over..why should dig into d closet and tell the world about it (even worse when itz not dat truthful)??i've washed my hands over you, you should do the same...

i've chosen my path, and since our path can never cross, go get a life..stop pointing fingers to others for the things happened in the past....u have ur share, i have mine