i write from my heart, based on what and how i feel..not to impress others, but to satisfy myself

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

everything is so damn NEW!!

phew..barely 2 weeks here in Malacca..and to be frank, i actually dont have anything particular to be settled..at the moment, i'm waiting for my new (le sgt..padehal nk clear umah quarters je..ngahahahaha)  house to be habitable...suddenly i realized that starting to actually live out on your own is not an easy task..ma & ayah, i wonder what kind of problems u went through when u decided to raise a family..uishh..unthinkable n at the same time, scary...i have a few things to clear (api la, air la, contractor fee la..bla bla bla) and not to mention mental preparation to live alone in a 5-room house which was inhabited for like more than 5 months..huisshh..sedikit seram, and i'm hoping for the best and prepared for the worst..

currently, i'm perching on my desk, thinking of what to be done as my free-time fillers as i dont have any class to teach (ujung sem sude...) and being org baru, biasala, nk tegur lebih2 pn rs gerun itu masih ada..haishh...and again, reality check, baru je smpai ni...esok ok kot (ayat sedap ati..ehehehehe)

haish2..looking frward to meet my students next sem *hiyah!hiyah!* xsabar nk bg diorg rase ape yg aku rase dulu *hahahahahaha* (sile ketawa dlm tone evil eh) :D

Sunday, October 10, 2010

too hurt to care~

it is stressed here that i write to express myself, not to impress others..sebarang komen kondem-mengkondem, tidak akn dilayan (perrgghh), since i'm writing about what i feel at the moment :|

i wonder why people around me take me easy, like "its ok to do whatever, u can sweet-talk her and things will be fine"? like they can do whatever (breaking promises, say whatever) coz in the end, i "wouldn't mind" and i'll "be fine...kalau merajuk k marah k, sekejap je" well, actually, i DO mind, i am NOT fine everytime people do stuffs like that to me.

yes, i MIND when promises were broken,i MIND when things intended for me were given to somebody else (coz i never do that to people), i MIND when people were playing nice with me, i MIND when people leave me alone dangling, i DAMN MIND when people write and/or say thing behind my back yet acting miss goody-goody in front me, and i FUCKIN MIND when people treat me like i stupid, like i'm not gonna be able to find out about all the bitching and shit done on my very back...WELL I'M NOT AN OPTION! if people want me to treat them like a PRIORITY, why dont learn to do the same?

tired of being a puppet (mcm pinocchio bile kne tgkap ngan org jahat). i am a grown up, treat me like one..don't tell me what to do, each and every time. stop telling me how to make decisions..for like 24 years, i make my own decisions, i learn not to burden others, i spend most of my time ALONE when i really needed someone to guide me through....i dont need people to babysit me now, i NEEDED them then, not now. i'm a girl, not someone's wife...so please stop treating girls like they are married with 4 kids. there are no strings attached, you might wake up tomorrow, and poof, the girl is not there...i need some air to breathe, some space to grow...

the truth is, i'm just too hurt to care..and no, i'm not writing this post because i had a fight with someone. this is just something suppressed inside for too long and need a room to burst