i write from my heart, based on what and how i feel..not to impress others, but to satisfy myself

Friday, December 25, 2009


there is a moment, where i feel like everything around me moves so fast, while i'm still there, not changed even a bit..kinda heartbreaking..when looking around, it feels like everything moves so fast, i cant do a damn hell to change who and what i am...it hurts to feel this way, like i'm incapable to adapt myself in this world....
i have to sit n think..what i want, what i will do...think and think and start moving

Friday, December 18, 2009

when boredom attacks

sitting on my bed, doing nothing..tired of tossing and turning..so i decided to write..one whole day of doing nothing really drives me nut..huhu, still me being too lazy to do whatever that could be done..geez....
sitting alone like this, really makes my mind wonder, of how things should have been..how some stuffs could be done, or should have been in different way...one whole month, (oso doing nothing) at home, opens my eyes on few stuffs..mybe itz juz me, since itz from my own point of view...people are quick to judge..mmm, this is not right, this is wrong..dont do this, dont do that..well, as me n my sis, are mixed-masalas, there are some stuffs that (if) we do, will be extremely wrong, but if others do it, itz ok...why should there be this double-standard attitude?points to ponder..not pointing fingers, but itz juz a thing to be thought of...because of that, now, i'll think twice before placing 'titles' o 'labels' onto people..damn hard when it happens to me lol
i was surfing the net, going through my network sites, when i came across a shocking profile..a girl, aged 19, 'offering' herself at the price of 50bucks....i was kinda sad looking at d profile, she's juz 19..could be a bright kid, going on the wrong path...the thing that flashed into my mind was 'how if the girl is my student, o my daughter o someone related to me (God forbid)'..gosh, that gave me goosebumps...pray to God, that no girl will face that situation...we cant afford to sit back and watch destruction..especially when it happens to our kind..i'm not being racist, i'm saying this because i love my kind, my people
reality check, i'm still bored, facing a bowl of megi...waaaa....sux

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

thinking and thinking

lying down facing my laptop, singing to this song..damn, i like this song

Let You Down by POD

No one knows what goes on inside of your head
And everything seems to be ok.
And your the same as you've always been (your the same)
If I'd listened, would you have talked to me?

I don't wanna Let You Down,
But I can't even pick up myself.
I only wanted to make you proud,
But I don't think I can do this anymore.

When did this crowded room get so lonely?
And everyone keeps looking at me.
I'm tired (so tired) of faking my life (faking my life)
I'm so tired, I don't wanna feel this way.

I don't wanna Let You Down,
But I can't even pick up myself.
I only wanted to make you proud,
But I don't think I can do this anymore.
(do this anymore)

And you mean more, You mean so much more
And you mean more, You mean so much more
And you mean more, And you mean so much more
And you mean more, And you mean so much more

I don't wanna Let You Down,
But I can't even pick up myself.
I only wanted to make you proud,
But I don't think I can do this anymore.

this is another song dat i like..start headbangin..lol

chapter four by avenged sevenfold

Give me your hand, (Conceived and born was one of light)
blood is spilt and man will follow
infernal man, (Rain and dark, the other born black night)
punishment too great to bear

Raise your head and taste the courage
(the one of light)
Fall from grace, unholy night

I've come here to kill you,
won't leave until you've died
Murder born of vengeance,
I closed my brothers eyes tonight...

[Repeat from the beginning]

It's cold tonight as the clouds turn grey
and from my hands to my brothers grave
You took his side, you took his gift,
feel the power of a fallen man,
crestfallen man...

Far away in this land I must go,
out of the sight of the One.
A punishment sent from His hand
a hardship that no one should know
Now go out of the sight of the One,
away in this land you must go.

Where has he gone? What have you done?
A voice commands from high above this earth.
From the soil his blood cries out to me
Murder, liar, vengeance, deceit.

Far away in this land I must go,
out of the sight of the One.
A punishment sent from His hand
a hardship that no one should know
Now go out of the sight of the One,
away in this land you must go.
[Fade out]

Sunday, November 1, 2009

is it ok to put the blame on love??

love and faith, is two alternate word..but sometimes the word 'faith' is commonly known as 'ego'...two difficult terms..and what if i put the word 'love' and 'dignity' together?perhaps, everyone can say, i can never abandon my dignity just for the sake of love, but how many of us really hold onto that?
i'm not pointing my finger to anyone, (i am also in somekinda romantic relationship with who i think i'm in love with~wink), but sometimes people make mistake and put the blame on love when d one who is guilty is ourself..think of it..when heart is being broken, some say that they dont trust in love nemore..but why is love is being blamed, when we met the wrong person at wrong time and perhaps wrong place??
sometimes, love is used as a tool to show dignity.."why should i tell dat person dat i love him/her?it is soooooooooo not me. i have a face to keep", this is nothing to do with dignity, this is what we call honesty...but what about this, " i cant live without him or her, i know he/ she is cheating on me....but, i just love her", this may have something to do with love, but there is more foolishness and just being selfish..holding on because you dun wanna let the person u love to be happier with person that our partner may really be in love with
it is true that love knows no boundary, but we humans, we live BOUNDED by rules and values..if we let go what we held dear to our beliefs in the name of 'love', then, where do we fall as a human?i see things around me sometimes hard to understand, by being in love, itz like we have signed an MOU that allowing ourselves to be hurt.."but no pain no gain"~well said..but how many actually stands still with what they believe?
i believe that what we do, we have to put all our love in it, put our heart in it...love is a way of showing affection, and dignity represents our self..both are important, but have different values in different eyes..mine?hehe..let me keep it to my self

Saturday, October 31, 2009

rainy day, fresh thoughts

with the day being gloomy and dark, i cant help but feeling so myself..hehe...cant stop my mind from thinking lol....i watched the dripping raindrops, make me wonder, so small, yet so beautiful...many things, so small, yet so beautiful and meaningful...i was gloomy as well, but after a small talk with a few VIPs of my heart, haha, damn i feel a lot better..a small talk, able to do such a big thing (hoho..cheering me up is a big thing lol)
praying for a better tomorrow..so that i can always sit by my window, watch those raindrops and smile..damn, i love this life=)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

wake up::stop talkin and get moving::a reminder to myself

people sometimes doesnt realize that what they do is actually something WRONG, instead they keep on bitching that THIS IS NOT RIGHT, I AM D ONE WHO IS DOING THIS AND THAT and so on...well, if they are the ones doing things, at least you have the right to complain, but how about people who does nothing but talking and masquerading??

people need to think, first of all, bear in mind the very basic thing, I AM NOBODY and nobody other than people who are close to me cares about what i do, everyday. since I AM A NOBODY, when i work with people, I NEED TO BE A SOMEBODY that actually contributes to thing..but how many actually thinks that way??

instead of pointing fingers to others, sit and think deeply of what I'VE DONE and WHAT CAN I DO TO AMEND THINGS THAT I'VE DONE...learn to admit mistakes and learn to grow up...instead of bitching endlessly of people how treats us, think of HOW we TREAT people...why bother of the talks of people of you, when nothing wrong has been done? people have their own things to do, they have their own things to think of....i want to make amends of what i've done before...i've seen people saying things like everyone being a busybody, but how would people know if we dont open it ourselves??i try not to let the world know of what i feel and why am i feeling that way, becoz i am a NOBODY to the WORLD and the WORLD doesnt want to know EVERYTHING about me..some are meant to be kept in mind and in heart...i will try not to do the same mistake again..i'm never gonna give the world a chance to JUDGE me..

i'm listing all the things i've done..i've broken some hearts, i've made a few mistakes in life..if i can turn back time, i'd change everything..but i can't..all that i can do, is not doing the same mistakes again...

i dont know how long i'm gonna stay in this world, but i'm gonna make the best out of it...

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

between feelings: love n hate

bagi aku perkataan cinta n benci....pd aku, bile kite tgk sebalik cinta 2 msti ade bnci..org yg bcinte bnci bile dikongkong, bile xdifahami...org yg tgh mmbnci msti suke bile tgk org yg dibnci 2 ade masalah..dua2 prasaan yang alternate..datang n pergi...sakit bile org yg disayangi kuar kata-kata yg mnunjukkan die bnci..hakikatnye, prasaan 2 sndiri alternate..
aku nmpak bnde 2, tp aku wat2 aku xnmpak, aku wat2 xphm...bagi aku 5 sebab knapa stiap individu x boleh jadi diri sndiri?knapa kne always lbihkan org lain, sdgkan org lain 2 xsmestinye berprasaan mcm kita?bagi aku 10 sebab knapa kne ade 2 prasaan je bile bkawan, especially atr lelaki n pompuan..aku xphm dgn typical mindset mcm ni...

lately, aku jumpe mcm2 spisis manusia dan semua manusia2 ni dalam lingkungan, proximity yang boleh dikatakan sbg kawan2 aku, sbg org yg aku anggap pnting dalam hidup aku..kdg2, org akan tnggal cinta untuk kepentingan diri, tp in teh end, mnyesal sbb yg dikejar 2 sbnrnye xde la baik mn pn...sudah2, dok trase ati, nk pndam prasaan...nk je aku tepuk dahi, srh die tgk blk blkg die..what goes around, comes around...

tp, bkn bnde 2 yang affect aku sbnrnye...nape, after da bthun pn, pyh nk phm?bkn k dlm relationship 2 kne ade give n take?bkn je org yg bcinte, tp dlm bkwn dlm wat ape je yg libatkn lbih dari sorg individu, kene ade give n take....kl btl ade bnde ni, xde mslh..asal nme manusia, akan ade mase yg prlu sndiri, prlu bkwn....tp nape pyh sgt nk accept?
bile aku xckp sorry, bkn mksudnye aku xksah, bkn mksud aku xsyg...tp it is just against my nature...nape xphm n nk sakitkan aku dgn kata2....sdgkan sblm ni, seolah2 aku ni sumthing yang pnting utk die?gettin emo....

mmmm..tp, doesnt worth it....sbb aku hnya ada aku..mcm sblm ni....sntiasa hanya ada aku utk diri aku..yg lain 2 just mirage

Friday, August 21, 2009

ari ni n esok

sok da nak stat pose and there are just so many things in mind...baru jap td bergumbira tgk NST, play ktorg da kuar..haha..rse sgt hepi lg teruja..haha..ana siap merah2 muke lg, malu tgk muke die time tgh jd psiko..haha..gile rr..time 2 mmg pnt n so many things that happened, btl2 tinggal bekas dlm diri aku...growing up is never easy, but i'm happy that i'm growing up...

this drama thing taught me to keep my feelings, not to hurt people (but i do it all d time)...i'm sorry for all the words said n everything that was done...
buat aku trpikir, kdg2 sape betul n sape slh 2 xpnting..yg pnting, sape yg willing to compromise...dgn saying sorry, xbmksud kt kalah..tu yg slalu megat ckp kat aku, tp aku pyh sgt nk wat..lepas hal drama, aku kne ngaku, mmg bnde tu btul..
org yg xtau, leh ckp mcm2, leh komen mcm2 tnpa mnyedari yg kate2 diorg 2 sbnrnye wat bnde lg bsr..

andai aku bole undur masa, aku akn ubh semua bio xjd cmni....i would...so that i wont feel this way

sok da stat pose...nk bkak chapter baru...

Thursday, August 20, 2009

straight from my desk

huuu..so many things to be done...dok merambu je minggu nih...skali sok nk kene ngadap Pn. M nih..adess..bnde xsiap lg...mlm ni kne berjage la jwpnye....leh x aku grad tnpe wat PSM??leh x...adesssss