i write from my heart, based on what and how i feel..not to impress others, but to satisfy myself

Saturday, July 31, 2010

words, stands, belief @_@

words are hidden spears that strikes through the heart...and sometimes they hurt a lot more than any physical contact..wounds may heal, but words remain..i dont know about others, but thats how things are for me...

lately, i've my judgments are rather blurred by words, actually strong words uttered by powerful people around me. and at those moments, to be honest, i feel like backing off..coz no matter how hard i try, it doesnt happen in the way that i expected...so far, i feel like i've been living my life according to my rule, and holding tight to things that i believe is right...i can accept criticism (if delivered in a not "menyakitkn ati" way) but i can never forget or forgive accusations...and i hate it when people make their own conclusions about me or stuffs related to me, without even have the courtesy to ask whether the thing is right or wrong

but again, we can never expect people to treat us (the way we wanted) nicely...itz about heart, and again, its my heart..it suffocates me when people around keep pointing fingers to others when, they themselves refused to listen nor accept things that different from what they believe...excuse me, but there are always more than one way of getting the right answer...i believe that there is no right or wrong, the only thing there is diversity

for example,i hate it when couples curse their partners whenever they're in a fight...personally, i detest it, coz it shows that u're paying no respect at all to ur partner at all...but, that is my opinion, my stand,my belief...some may strongly disagree, and i have to agree coz its their life and not mine..but, personally, i can never imagine myself spending the rest of my life with someone who cant even respect that little request. i dont curse u, and u dont do that to me

staying at home, had really done something to me and the inner me....i learn not to argue when it comes to elders...i learn to keep my mouth shut and listen (i can always cry later :D) but, who knows, mybe that gonna turn me into an aggressive teacher when i'm start teaching..heeee

trying my best to be positive....Ya Allah, shape me, bend me, and mold me so i can be better than the way i was yesterday...Aamiin

Saturday, July 17, 2010

tears are the words that heart cannot say??

i came across this beautiful quote when i was randomly liking quotes in my FB. staring at the words, i couldn't agree more with the quote. we cry when we are overwhelmed with feelings, when there's no word can explain the way we feel. at this moment, i am really hoping that i can shed some tears, so i can let go this huge bulk inside me...somehow, i cant....and it hurts me even more coz i cannot express whatever i keep bottled within me. rage, anger, disappointment, frustation, broken, lost....u name it...i'm on war, with my two best buddies inside me; my brain vs. my heart.

spending too much time at home, doing nothing had taken the toll upon me..where i'm at a turning point; i find it really hard to understand and grasp the things going on around me...suddenly, i feel like everything around me is moving so damn fast and surprisingly, i dont seem to fit in..like a loose piece that would never stick to the puzzle, no matter how hard i try...

i find it really hard to trust what people say, really hard to let them understand what and how things are going on inside my head. i seem to be alienated from my very ideal version of life...there is a part inside me, longing to bury my head in books, and suddenly i miss the adrenaline rush, the stress and the sleepless nights when i was completing my final year project. i miss doing something that i like, something that i'm good at. doing nothing, listening to words without being able to do something about it hurts me. and it hurts me even more when the people i thought knew me inside out, treats me the same way...all i ever wanted is a place where i really belong, without being judged, without being accused of doing things that i will never do, even in my dreams...a place where i fit in, and a heart where i can dwell...i'm feeling the feeling that i promised not to ever feel again, the feeling that i havent felt for like 2 years..A.L.O.N.E

right now, listening to My Immortal by Evanescence and praise to Him,tears are coming down now
I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me

Monday, July 5, 2010

is it just me being emo, or am i just being disappointed??

when i feel this way, it felt like i made a mistake. itz a mistake for expressing how and what i felt (though it was meant in a very positive way), maybe its better for me to keep all those feelings (happy, sad o whatsoever) bottled inside me cause it hurts me a lot when what i get is so far away from what i hoped for...

there are moments when a girl wants to be appreciated, and if she's attached, she hopes that she's d love of his life..it wont take years to make the guy realize that fact, and if it does, dont need to mention it to the girl coz it does not do anything good except for breaking her heart.

a girl expects her partner to respect her, to see her as a partner (who needs to be protected from the mean world). but, when the partner himself drops her down, then something is just not right...there is a fine line between a joke and insult, and be careful with your play of words...words, they stay a whole lot longer than any physical contact itself...well it hurts, especially when the words are not accompanied with insults. she does not expect to be showered by love all the time, but the least she needs is to be insulted in front of others.
itz an ugly world out there..the only place left to feel warmth is in the love and bond between two people..have u given love and warmth to ur partner?think, before its too late. dont look into her words, look into her eyes..coz eyes never cheat

writing from the heart may again be a wrong act, yet, i write to express myself, not to impress others.

***i just wanna close my eyes and not wake up....i wish i could T_T

Sunday, July 4, 2010

and i thought my heart was a machine.....

feeling hot n feverish....been so busy playing with my latest sweetheart, dearest alip...hee..never thought that i'd say this, but, yeah..kids are CUTE and babies are SO SWEET

 this is mista alip

 this is my dear chubby n sweet alip..comey sgt2, xreti mngis, senyum je manjang...for the first time, i am liking a kid, other than my younger siblings and i'm loving this feeling, in fact, i think i'm addicted to it..hehehehe

during my nearly 2months staying here at home, i discovered so many new things. i found out that each n every girl have the capacity of being a good mother or even a good sister. i'm never fond of kids, yet, kids seem to love clinging onto me...here at home, to kill time, i give 3 girls (two twelve years old n an 11 years old) home tutoring, helping them with their upcoming UPSR. i think that i'm being really2 straight with them, yet, they come to me almost every afternoon and even to the extend of having sleepovers (at my place..pelik!!)

i spend days thinking of this, until one day i saw my mom cuddling little alip...he's about 10months now, starting to walk n havent learned to speak yet...he'd be really excited when he sees my mom, or when he heard my mom's voice...at that moment, i knew something...everyone, including toddlers know who cares and loves them...alip is not related to us by blood, he just happen to be a neighbor's kid...yet, he loves being here (tiap2 kali nmpk ktorg je die excited..bwk balik umah lg die suke)

it doesnt matter how u treat the kids, but if u are sincere and doing things for their benefit, kids do know....i think, thats how bonds are being created in the world....dont u agree?

**listening to him snoring..heeee..so damn cute..sweet dreams dear XOXO