around and around

in life, there are so many things as rise and fall, or should i say, fall and then trying really hard to rise, and sometimes u find it really hard that u decided not to rise coz it'z juz too hard..When falling can be really easy when u're alone, rising is much harder to be done alone (unless u have extra steel-strengthed will~wink). when we fall, we normally look for a shoulder to cry on..Normally, what a good shoulder would do, is juz listen and giv a few words that could make the poor soul smile..but then, there are also some shoulders who are more like taking advantage, like "pulling" the victim as new "accomplice".

ask me, dragging a "new, wounded accomplice" is stupid. Why would i ever want to drag someone to be with me, when i'm WAY BETTER the way i am now?? personally, i am never interested in making friends that way...coz i believe, that a friend, would stick with me till the end, no matter what..not just for the purpose of their own benefit, for example benefits in terms of money, assignment, "amenities" and what i see around, on assignments...yeah..sounds stupid..but that do happen. i'm never a good advice-giver, but somehow, for reason that i dunno, people are easy to open up with me..mybe becoz of my "icy cold" nature, things that i say is like, different...things are meant to be said, and some are meant to be mend..what do i say when people come to me, saying that they're broken??i let them say what they we feel inside, and if the problem comes from the person themselves, i juz ask them what do u think u shud do,..normally people know what they should do..they juz dont want to admit it..but then, to the "vic", remember to say "THANK YOU" and be THANKFUL and dont treat people like a "service counter"

but what if the fall happens include a "third party"?? what i would them is simple, think of urself ahead of others, love urself before loving others...as quoted from a fren, "WHY MAKE SOMEONE YOUR PRIORITY WHEN U ARE JUZ AN OPTION FOR THEM??" i would tell them to try mending whatever is broken, if u think itz too hard, give it some time, let it breathe, and normally things would be better after that.

the key is, never let ur emotion overrule your judgement...when emotions come first, things will be bloody ugly.

then, part 2, there is always a possibility that the "third party" thinks u r the culprit of "breaking" whatever it is with the "vic". well, stupid people say stupid thing. Juz bear in mind that NO ONE IS INTERESTED IN WHATEVER IT IS BETWEEN U N UR GUY, UR GIRL, UR NEIGHBOR, UR BFF or UR BIF..get a life...if u dont know, either ASK or SHUT UP..instead of drawing stupid conclusions, go do something worthwhile, LIKE MENDING WHAT IS WRONG BETWEEN U N WHO-SO-EVER coz NO ONE IS GONNA MEND or INTERESTED IN WHATSOEVER happening to both, three or 150 of u...when people are sad, all they need a just a pat in d back, to make them smile..if u dont have the heart or even a bit of sympathy to the person, at least let them breathe 4 a while...i juz cant get it...y cant these people juz see this simple things?? blaming others is juz a way of escaping from the truth..itz a typical escapism...

instead of bitching, saying bad things about people, y dun just sit and think...try to do something to let what ever left is working again...i'm off this kind of stupid things..coz sometimes, people feel like they are so damn cool, so damn good and they this influence over people

think before saying,
::forgiving vs. being forgiven:: people may not forgive u if what u say or did is wrong
::judging vs. being judged:: how do people really feel bout u
::how important are you?:: u may get surprised to know that people may see u as a stranger, insignificant at all
::bad words and cursing people with things::inflicts how shallow our minds are...

this is a harsh reminder to myself..huhu, remember this part
we make mistake, we fall,
we mend, we try to rise
if we fail to do so, we fail short as a human

don't touch what u can't eat

literally, dont eat things that you cant eat, especially when u are allergic to specific types of food ..but food is my least concern now...swollen lips, take some pills, apply some oral salt, giv it a few hours, things will be fine

"don't touch what u can't eat, and don't tell what you don't know"...we observe, and we conclude..normally, what we see is what we perceive..but, how is it the thing that we observe is not the thing that happened, and we make our conclusion, not knowing that what we concluded is not exactly the very thing that happened? eyes may deceive, heart may flutter, but brain seldom slips...

i used to jump a lot at stupid conclusions which was made by people with no relevant reasoning..but now, i think i've grown calmer...itz hard to forgive, but now, i'm cool...i'm trying my best, not to shout n express my anger....when i see something really stupid, like really stupid statement, emotion-driven statement, i take it as they DONT KNOW...

what we say, affect people..and what we do, effect people...instead of blaming others for problems in our plate, y dun think and sort...o juz use d ol' useful method of asking and clarifying...i am never perfect..till now, pieces of anger still resting within me..but i'm trying..coz i wanna die better...let mework on where i would go, let my LORD decide on how and what i've done in this world..what i've learnt, anger dont do much good...still, i'm crawling to mend this broken soul of mine..

i've stopped thinking matters of things and people who are insignificant to me...i want to perceive instead of to see, i want to listen instead of to hear, i want to mend instead of to break...i know its impossible for me to do so right now, but at least i wanna die trying.. the hardest is to apologize and to forgive...but i'm trying...

may tomorrow be a better day, for me and for you..Insya Allah

for the one who refused to open his eyes

things happen for many reasons...and thats why sometime i justify what i did (or gonna do) as whats best for that particular moment.

i've taken a very hurting decision years back, which was painful for me and the other person. At that moment, i felt that, that was the best thing for both of us...it was only me and the other person, no one else involved. it was not on whose mistake it was, i just couldnt do it anymore, i couldnt take more of it...i choose to quit, coz at d moment, the feeling shared was more hurting than soothing. Yes, it was my mistake for walking away(i made the call), but both of us knew that things wouldnt work...the other person knew, but didnt do anything but piling up reasons and lies which broke me even more which made me reluctant to take the same path again

but that's history...and no one is running to open d good ol' book again...but somehow, my past seems to taunt me..suddenly, whatever it was, was caused by someone??c'mon...there's only two person involved in making decision, when did the third ghoul appeared??

the point is, itz over..why should dig into d closet and tell the world about it (even worse when itz not dat truthful)??i've washed my hands over you, you should do the same...

i've chosen my path, and since our path can never cross, go get a life..stop pointing fingers to others for the things happened in the past....u have ur share, i have mine

static

there is a moment, where i feel like everything around me moves so fast, while i'm still there, not changed even a bit..kinda heartbreaking..when looking around, it feels like everything moves so fast, i cant do a damn hell to change who and what i am...it hurts to feel this way, like i'm incapable to adapt myself in this world....
i have to sit n think..what i want, what i will do...think and think and start moving

when boredom attacks

sitting on my bed, doing nothing..tired of tossing and turning..so i decided to write..one whole day of doing nothing really drives me nut..huhu, still me being too lazy to do whatever that could be done..geez....
sitting alone like this, really makes my mind wonder, of how things should have been..how some stuffs could be done, or should have been in different way...one whole month, (oso doing nothing) at home, opens my eyes on few stuffs..mybe itz juz me, since itz from my own point of view...people are quick to judge..mmm, this is not right, this is wrong..dont do this, dont do that..well, as me n my sis, are mixed-masalas, there are some stuffs that (if) we do, will be extremely wrong, but if others do it, itz ok...why should there be this double-standard attitude?points to ponder..not pointing fingers, but itz juz a thing to be thought of...because of that, now, i'll think twice before placing 'titles' o 'labels' onto people..damn hard when it happens to me lol
i was surfing the net, going through my network sites, when i came across a shocking profile..a girl, aged 19, 'offering' herself at the price of 50bucks....i was kinda sad looking at d profile, she's juz 19..could be a bright kid, going on the wrong path...the thing that flashed into my mind was 'how if the girl is my student, o my daughter o someone related to me (God forbid)'..gosh, that gave me goosebumps...pray to God, that no girl will face that situation...we cant afford to sit back and watch destruction..especially when it happens to our kind..i'm not being racist, i'm saying this because i love my kind, my people
reality check, i'm still bored, facing a bowl of megi...waaaa....sux

thinking and thinking

lying down facing my laptop, singing to this song..damn, i like this song

Let You Down by POD

No one knows what goes on inside of your head
And everything seems to be ok.
And your the same as you've always been (your the same)
If I'd listened, would you have talked to me?

I don't wanna Let You Down,
But I can't even pick up myself.
I only wanted to make you proud,
But I don't think I can do this anymore.

When did this crowded room get so lonely?
And everyone keeps looking at me.
I'm tired (so tired) of faking my life (faking my life)
I'm so tired, I don't wanna feel this way.

I don't wanna Let You Down,
But I can't even pick up myself.
I only wanted to make you proud,
But I don't think I can do this anymore.
(do this anymore)

And you mean more, You mean so much more
And you mean more, You mean so much more
And you mean more, And you mean so much more
And you mean more, And you mean so much more

I don't wanna Let You Down,
But I can't even pick up myself.
I only wanted to make you proud,
But I don't think I can do this anymore.


this is another song dat i like..start headbangin..lol

chapter four by avenged sevenfold

Give me your hand, (Conceived and born was one of light)
blood is spilt and man will follow
infernal man, (Rain and dark, the other born black night)
punishment too great to bear

Raise your head and taste the courage
(the one of light)
Fall from grace, unholy night

I've come here to kill you,
won't leave until you've died
Murder born of vengeance,
I closed my brothers eyes tonight...

[Repeat from the beginning]

It's cold tonight as the clouds turn grey
and from my hands to my brothers grave
You took his side, you took his gift,
feel the power of a fallen man,
crestfallen man...

Far away in this land I must go,
out of the sight of the One.
A punishment sent from His hand
a hardship that no one should know
Now go out of the sight of the One,
away in this land you must go.

Where has he gone? What have you done?
A voice commands from high above this earth.
From the soil his blood cries out to me
Murder, liar, vengeance, deceit.

Far away in this land I must go,
out of the sight of the One.
A punishment sent from His hand
a hardship that no one should know
Now go out of the sight of the One,
away in this land you must go.
[Fade out]

is it ok to put the blame on love??

love and faith, is two alternate word..but sometimes the word 'faith' is commonly known as 'ego'...two difficult terms..and what if i put the word 'love' and 'dignity' together?perhaps, everyone can say, i can never abandon my dignity just for the sake of love, but how many of us really hold onto that?
i'm not pointing my finger to anyone, (i am also in somekinda romantic relationship with who i think i'm in love with~wink), but sometimes people make mistake and put the blame on love when d one who is guilty is ourself..think of it..when heart is being broken, some say that they dont trust in love nemore..but why is love is being blamed, when we met the wrong person at wrong time and perhaps wrong place??
sometimes, love is used as a tool to show dignity.."why should i tell dat person dat i love him/her?it is soooooooooo not me. i have a face to keep", this is nothing to do with dignity, this is what we call honesty...but what about this, " i cant live without him or her, i know he/ she is cheating on me....but, i just love her", this may have something to do with love, but there is more foolishness and just being selfish..holding on because you dun wanna let the person u love to be happier with person that our partner may really be in love with
it is true that love knows no boundary, but we humans, we live BOUNDED by rules and values..if we let go what we held dear to our beliefs in the name of 'love', then, where do we fall as a human?i see things around me sometimes hard to understand, by being in love, itz like we have signed an MOU that allowing ourselves to be hurt.."but no pain no gain"~well said..but how many actually stands still with what they believe?
i believe that what we do, we have to put all our love in it, put our heart in it...love is a way of showing affection, and dignity represents our self..both are important, but have different values in different eyes..mine?hehe..let me keep it to my self